if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
