I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
