Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
