she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
