I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
