You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
