i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
