Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
