If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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