Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize