The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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