Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
