Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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