Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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