Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
