the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
