Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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