Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
