Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wannas sexs uuuuu
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
