i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
