who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
