I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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