but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
