you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
