just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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