is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
