nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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