Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
