he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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