im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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