I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
