fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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