so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
