just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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