Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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