dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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