this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
