I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
