My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
