I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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