I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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