it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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