Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
