batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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