thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
