and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Enjoy the penises
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
