Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize