very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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