when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize