So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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