How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
