well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
