I cannot find my penis.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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