U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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