so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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