Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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