I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
