i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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