So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
