She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
