That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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